Eastman & Laird’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Mirage Studios Volume 1, Issue 8
Story & Art by Kevin Eastman, Peter Laird, and Dave Sim

(Sorry folks, this one’s not available to read online. Though Issue #9 is, so I presume it’s some kind of copyright thing. Here’s hoping my detailed plot synopsis is enough to keep you from getting lost.)

My Cerebral Failure

I’m a bad, bad indie comics reader. When you’ve got a book you love, and the authors do a shout-out to one of their favorites, you’re supposed to seek that favorite out, make it a favorite of your own. But I have failed to do this.

The only reason I know what a Cerebus the Aardvark is is because of this issue of TMNT. I’ve heard the character mentioned elsewhere, but I know those mentions never would’ve registered is it weren’t for his guest-shot here in book 8. But what’ve I heard has been good; apparently this grumpy thug is solid gold in independent comic magazine form. Why haven’t I investigated further? I’ve had almost twenty years.

Okay, I suppose not actually twenty years, since I probably didn’t read this one until the early ’90s. Still, that’s a good chunk of time to check it off my to-do list. Where I did place it — I have always meant to take a look at some Cerebus. I’ve just never gotten around to it.

This shameful lack of motivation doesn’t only apply to comics. In movies, music, modern dance — I haven’t been overly diligent in seeking out those name-dropped by my favorite artists.

Though now that I think about it (and curse this project for forcing me to do such a thing, time and time again), once upon a time, I kinda was. I learned in what fiery depths Nirvana, The X-Files, Quentin Tarantino, and The Simpsons had been forged; I sought out the idols that had served my idols as muse. Or at least I did my best, with the meager provisions and access I possessed at the time. To wonder what kind of man I would be, had I had high-speed DSL when I was but a boy.

What kind of man I am is either a busy or complacent one. I only get in a little bit of where’d-it-come-from exploration nowadays. And yet I manage to read about and doodle and dwell upon and buy toys of and write a blog regarding the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on a fairly regular basis. I suppose I could dedicate some of that time, energy, and money to other pursuits, pick up a Cerebus collected volume, or maybe a Usagi Yojimbo.

All right then, that’s what I’m gonna do. As soon as I finish reading and reviewing all of my TMNTs, I’m gonna start reviewing Cerebus. I look forward to that.

(I’d be failing in my job as reviewer if I didn’t also mention that, in this issue, which, by the way, serves as the first TMNT crossover — and yes, at only issue #7, it’s still way too soon for them to be pulling this kind of sweeps week bullshit, but crossing such lines prematurely seems to be a trend with E&L — in this issue a magical sceptre allows the Turtles to travel across both distance AND time, whisking them away to do battle against an army of the undead. That’s how they manage to meet Cerebus without it seeming artificial or forced in any way.

But the important part: at the helm of this sceptre is transdimensional flake and legitimate hottie Renet. I’m not normally one to get all lusty for a comic book character, but there’s something about her. Is it the clocks? Have I got some kind of Salvador Dali kink thing I never knew about? Whatever; the point is she’s a doll, and I hope we see more of her. End parenthetical.)

End review.